An Important Cautionary Tale About Defending Your Boundaries

Hello Everyone,

I've decided to share the following exchange with a formerly-satisfied Rainmaking Client of mine. My reasoning for sharing this is twofold:

1st - So you know. I try to keep a policy of complete transparency and don't hide the bad so that you can rely on all of the good. (Lesson # 1: Anyone who tells you s/he is perfect is LYING to you); and

2nd - Because so many of you have written, called and shared with me in person during coaching & consulting sessions stories about feeling you are being held hostage by a client. Hopefully it never gets as extreme as you will read below. But I wanted to let you know you're not alone and how important it is to set & defend your boundaries, lest your clients, your staff, your adversaries take your prisoner and walk all over you.

Remember though, always be as nice as you can without going so far as to allow yourself to be abused. Never lose your empathy for others. And don't ever let the poor behavior of other people become an excuse to act differently towards them than you would hope they could find it in themselves to act towards you because years from now the only feeling you'll have left is regret for your own conduct. . .



"Earlier in the week we sent you a revised version of the Ten RainmakingMistakes E-book. The revision was the removal of (NAME DELETED)'stestimonial. (NAME) is becoming aggressive about seeing the change made.Please escalate this to the top of your list and attend to it as soon as possible. Send me an e-mail toconfirm when the change is made. Also, please do another sweep of thesite to be sure all references to NAME have been removed so that whensomeone does a Google search we have done all we can to distanceourselves from NAME DELETED."

NAME DELETED,

This is the e-mail I sent to my webmaster a few days ago - beforeyour call to me yesterday. I use an outside service and unfortunatelywe don't always get "instant" attention to all of our requests. Morethan a month ago when you first requested it, I asked them to removeyour testimonial from the site, which contrary to your statement below,you gave me written permission to use (see attached). I am sorry theirfirst sweep of the site missed the testimonial in the e-book but allreference to you was removed elsewhere on the site.

I will forward confirmation to you as soon as I get it from thewebmaster service, that the change has finally been made to thee-book.

With regard to your not-so-subtle threats to me, I would say that yourdisability is not my fault and I would advise you, now that you are inyour self-described "right mind", to take whatever steps you or yourcaretakers deem necessary to prevent you from making me"uncomfortable". Perhaps write a letter to yourself to remind yourselfof the reality of the situation. Perhaps a video message to yourself.Perhaps have yourself committed for your own safety and security. Donot delude yourself to believe that you bear no responsibility for theconsequences of your words and actions. If you permit this to escalateby your failure to take adequate precautions you alone will bear theresponsibility. . . and the consequences.

Please know that I say this with no malice towards you whatsoever. Ihave the utmost empathy for you and wish you only the best. However Ialso know that people with your condition sometimes tend to try &shift the burden of their disease to others. I hereby refuse to acceptany such burden as it is entirely not my problem and I have done allthat I can to accommodate you. Unfortunately though, the whole worlddoes not bend to my will by the press of a button or else I wouldrelieve you of your suffering too.

With only the best of hopes for your well-being,

RJON ROBINS

On 8/18/07, NAME@bellsouth.net wrote:Dear Rjon,

I have emailed you and called you and talked to you on Friday, August 17.

I have wanted you to take my name off of your website, along with any of the language which you are attributing to me.

You have agreed and claimed you have told your webmaser to remove my name.

I do not want any hits to come up for your website if my name, (NAME DELETED), is put into a search engine.

I hope that is clear enough for you. You do not strike me as dumb.

AsI have told you, I have a mental illness, bipolar mood disorder. I wason the upswing of a manic phase when I wrote that email to you whichyou have, without my consent, turned into a reference. Thoses are thewords of a disabled person and do not reflect how I speak, think, ortalk when I am rational. Within a month of writing those words I washospitalized in a psychiatric ward.

Please remove my name andany language that you attribute to me from your website. As I have toldyou, I wish to file a Motion to Seal with the Florida Supreme Court soit's action with regard to my bar membership also does not appear as ahit when my name is put into a search engine.

Then I intend to resign from the Florida Bar.

Iam not going to go away, and the situation could conceivably getuncomfortable for you if I have a relapse of my mental illness. I hopethis doesn't happen, but my illness is serious enough that I am ondisability. People with a diagnosis of Bipolar 1-manic aggressivelybother people who become the focus of their attention, with negativeconsequences for the mentally ill person and embarrassment , andextremem inconvenience for the person they are bothering. You don'twant this to happen, and certainly I don't.

Please honor your promise to remove all traces of me from your website.

NAME DELETED